Saturday, February 2, 2019

Missing all the girls I’ve loved

Of course the one time I wasn’t depressed was in a fantasy
Land filled with girl.
The mailwoman who has the only other key to my private locker.
The girl with the kitty cat smile, slicked back pony with one rebellious tuft.

Missing the romance moment that I never had
The sober one
The sleepover.
Instead of
Flared ribs jutting out of a black leotard
With each breath, laid
On a hardwood floor covered in itchy carpeting
The same brand of tobacco and beer
Swimming between our mouths,
Pretending I was as wild as she.

Promising boys I’d kiss them when Dr. removed my braces.
Blaming the retainer’s potential to fall out. I can’t waste all of this money
my parents spent for straight teeth.
Talking to Kayla years later, we lament our cute tooth imperfections,
and I wonder if we’re really talking about kissing girls.
Everything would have turned out better for us
if you still had your gap

and my right canine still overlapped with its neighbor.

Gum Street

Pavement polka dotted with gum and melted rubber
I descend into the tunnels
And remember my quack
Telling me,
Turn your rabbit hole
Into a pothole.
A woman in the station tells me she is going to jump
So I hold on tight and wait to die.
The train comes and a man in a red shirt grabs her
I tell him, this is my train, and he nods
In the direction of the open doors.
The rest of my ride I stare
At one page in my book

And wonder if she was bluffing.

Obsession with Cars

Wearing polka dots in the desert like
Something that doesn’t belong
A little sparkling city in a new red world
That won’t let you bring a piece back

Leaving big red
And it’s lost in one night
No memories, or scents of the desert
Just my polka dot dress and
Glittery windows
Like sequins
As I descend from the sky
Scrolling through the same night stories

Growing up without radio drives
And hearing all these trucker songs
About Teddy and trucker heaven
I wonder - what is it that we love here?
Not the simple things.
Backflips and hat tricks still don’t get you money
Everyone has seen it before and forgot
It is magic.
On a drive there’s nothing else but forward.

Never Eat Salty Worms
Never Eat Shredded Wheat
Never Eat Slimy Worms
Never Eat Soggy Waffles
Never Ever Smoke Weed
Never Eat Soggy Wafers
Never Eat Soggy Weatbix

And yet

I still don’t know how to drive.