Cerulean Poem, or A Hard Poem to Write

how to write about

something hard,

to write about

the smell of the inside of my nostrils,

like vinegar,

or how long i went unnamed.

how to write about my name,

like a mountain curving upwards,

a name that no one reads right

off the page.

how to write about

the hard things

like the coca cola girl

wrapping her belt around my arm,

the coca cola girl as my sapphire fantasy,

coca cola

in shades of blue,

in memories of pools.

how to write about

something hard,

how to not get readdicted

when writing about the addiction.

Erasure ("Writing" by Marguerite Duras)

Solitude was still unknown to me.

It was there.

I understand that.

That might have lasted.

That was one year ago.

One must ask oneself

whether light becomes

the inviolable silence

I always maintain.

Women should not let lovers

hide the love.

I know this,

Wild love

ending here.

Alone.

(for me) forever.

Total solitude is a book,

echo secret,

deserted Calcutta.

My only true destitute.

We've always known this.

I still can be lost,

alone and free,

forget myself.

And strangest of all

wild.